The Hairless Wonder

When you are bored a lot of dumb things can happen. As many of you know, I have been blessed (or cursed as some of you might think) with a hairy body, and unless I want it to become thicker than the Amazon rainforest I need to maintain it, so I man-scape.

A while back I bought a trimmer (clippers) in Beijing to make the process easier. I would always use the size safety thingy (I’m not quite sure of the technical name I think it is a clipper guard) to keep it a reasonable length.

Last night, I took of the size-safety-protector thingy and was doing some finer grooming, making my chest hair look nice. But something happened. I did a little too much on one side, so I had to try and even it out on the other. Then I did too much on the second side and I had to go back to the first side try to make it even again. And before I knew it a little trimming had turned into a lot of trimming and I buzzed off all my stomach hair.

That just left my pecks covered with hair and it looked stupid to just have hair on my pecks and not on my stomach. There was no turning back, I had gone too far. So I had to shave that off too. Now my body looks like a freaking Siamese cat.


I know what many of you are thinking, won’t that itch? Well ladies and gentleman, after years of man-scaping my skin doesn’t get irritated by short hairs too much (but it has never been this short so I’m not sure what will happen). The real problem is when I try to sleep. If my arm drapes across my chest and I pull it away it feels like I am raking my arm across a bristled comb and that’s the most irritating part. I have to wear a shirt at night (which I hate doing because I like sleeping in the semi-nude) to stop the irritation.

My chest is now like a giant velcro patch. The hairs are short and curved causing my clothes to stick to my body. I think I am the worlds first human velcro.

The one thing I regret about this situation is that I didn’t create any designs out of my chest hair. I could have done something cool, but I guess it just slipped my mind and I forgot to do it. So remember when man-scaping, try not to get too carried away.


About JoelS

Spending a year teaching English and saving the world in China
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2 Responses to The Hairless Wonder

  1. YunaKateKatie says:

    Following a search for ‘cats with no hair’ we chanced across this post on your unfortunate man-scaping scenario. We have thoroughly enjoyed reading it, it was the perfect way to end our evening of doing… not much. Thank you.

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