Mom, I tip my cap to you. Who would have ever thought that yoga would have been so freaking hard. Today I had the morning off. I didn’t have to be in until 3 pm for a one-on-one class, so I was looking for something to do. One of the teachers, Euginia (the only female teacher, who is from Russia), is a real big health nut and yoga freak. She is always mentioning to us how she learned about yoga while living in India and that she was taking a class here in Qinhuangdao everyday. So I asked if I could join and she said sure.
I walk in the door and I am immediately told to take off my shoes. I have to put on these disgusting little sandals (because Chinese people have really small feet) and head up these small dinky stairs to the studio. I walk into the studio and grab a mat and go to the side (so as not to make a fool of myself in front of everyone). I am the only guy there. The teacher comes in and immediately recognizes the big-fat-dumb American. She sees Euginia and smiles and they talk to one another. The teacher knows a few words of English which was nice. She told me not to move to fast and not too try anything that I was uncomfortable with. Screw that, I’M A MAN! And as a man, I act like a man. I can do anything I want. Who is she to tell me what not to try? We start off with a breathing exercise and of course I rock it. I think I was one of the best at it. But that is when things start to go down hill. First, it was put your hands in the air, then touch your toes, upward dog, downward dog, and any other dog position you could think of, we did it.
Now, I forgot to mention that there was no AC in the room. So immediately, even during the breathing exercises I am starting to sweat. My body is aching because I am so inflexible. I try to keep pace with the rest of the class but it is clear I suck. There was only one other person who sucked that was in the class; she was nine years old. We would both take breaks during each exercise. But, to add insult to injury I had to fart really badly. And bending this way and that, and opening my checks and closing them was not helping. Thank god I didn’t embarrass myself more than I needed to and was able to hold it for the duration of the class. But I now have a newfound respect for yoga and for my Mom who does this every week. Mom, I am truly impressed.